Surely there is no God

In my addiction I have felt there was no God.  I was in a dark and evil place, surrounded by sin.

Trapped in my addiction, there was no heaven, just a living hell.

Every time I thought about escaping, my triggers – people-places-things – sucked me back in. 

I surrounded myself with sinners and their evil ways.

Evildoers’ ways are vile, unholy and poisonous.  All turned away from God.

Why don’t people believe in You, God?

They don’t see You, so they don’t believe You exist.

Evildoers don’t know anything and they never learn Your holy ways.

People don’t want to be held accountable or judged so they look away from You.

Many don’t look for You and seek you out.  They don’t listen closely for Your whisper. 

I was angry with You, God, because You took away my loved ones.

The proud make they own way in life; they’re in control.  When something good happens, they earned it; they did it themselves.  

When the bad happens, it’s Your fault God.

With Google, we don’t need your wisdom.  We can clone a sheep.  (but who made the first sheep?)

Miracles are just foolishness.

Tell me your plans for my life, God

Lord, You have touched me and I know you love me. I long to know your ways.

Lord, you have cleansed me of such foolish thoughts and set me on high ground.

Speak to me Lord of the plans You have for me.  Plans for good that I may prosper.  Not the paths that I picked for myself that hurt me. 

My decisions were not the right ones; You will guide me along Your right paths.

Even though I spent most of my life destroying myself, it’s not too late.  You, God, will set me on the right path.

You work miracles every day – we just need to believe in You.  

Amen.  Let it be so.

Reflecting on Psalm 53 and Jeremiah 29:11. Written by seven men at Loaves and Fishes of Beaufort, August 6, 2021